my greatest challenge

praying on my downfall

My family relocated from a California suburb to the bustling metropolis of Chengdu, China when I was seven years old. When I think of my childhood, I think of Chengdu. I was there as an adolescent where I acquired attributes and abilities unique to me. It was the city and its people that were with me during that crucial period of growth. Therefore, it was the unexpected return to California before my sophomore year of high school that hurt me the most. I did not make an effort to re-acclimate myself to the place I once came from. I could not come to terms with my parent's decisions to relocate at their convenience. I felt justified to retaliate against my parents by ignoring the responsibilities I had as a student.

Fear of failure is what drives me, but at that time, I lost my sense of it. The resentment I had towards my parents led me to fail. Fortunately, I realized the consequences of my actions before it was too late and turned away from the toxic process of blame. Actions may speak louder than words, but there are situations where one needs to be heard. I learned to develop a voice to open dialogue with my parents so that they understood me. In return, I learned to understand that my parent's choice was one that was not made easily.

From there, I began prioritizing my academics. Doing my job as a student did not seem like the gateway to how I would adapt to living in America again. But by focusing on school, it allowed me to crawl out of the grave I was digging for myself. The satisfaction brought by improved outcomes led to the discovery of a passion for writing which brought me to the major and career path I wish to pursue. Reinstalling the fear of failure into my life enabled me to move forward and get excited about the future.